A Letter From My Daughter Ali

Becki Duckworth:

A post from the past… Oh the good days !!

Originally posted on I Survived a Murder Attack -- My Family Didn't:

Dear Mom,

We have had a great weekend together and I really want you to know how incredibly happy I am that you are in my life now in a healthier way then ever before.  I am so amazed by how far you have come as a wife, mother, grandmother & friend.

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This is just a random post. I have not blogged for days. Okay… I guess it’s over a week. Ronnie and I are great, life in Arizona is wonderful and we couldn’t be happier.

Arizona bike week was lot’s of fun. We met bikers from all over the world.

What I am really enjoying is Skype, I Skype with my daughter, friends from around the world, friends from Chicago and I enjoy it.

The rosacea is diminishing , Metronidazole gel and the Doxycycline tablets have helped tremendously.

Did I mention I love Skype?  If you would like to Skype with me send me an email at beckikeyevents@gmail.com

The blood moon last night was beautiful. I am working on a couple posts about NDE and fetal alcohol syndrome, so stay tuned.

Again, my blog is about helping others that have experienced the ugliness of child abuse and domestic violence. Those issues will always remain in the forefront. However I am connecting with others about NDE and fetal alcohol syndrome. I am here to engage in these topics and looking for support groups in Arizona and around the world via Skype.

Wishing everyone a beautiful week full of happiness, peace and love.



lake 1

Posted in Arizona Bike Week, Child Abuse, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, living the dream, skype | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

Boyz And Their Toyz

It’s Arizona Bike Week, we are attending some concerts and riding. Ronnie used to own a Harley Davidson 15th Anniversary Fatboy and now he has a 100th Anniversary Fatboy . He never thought he would like a bike more than he did that 15th Anniversary, but he actually loves the 100th more.


We are looking forward to hanging out with friends and celebrating Bike week. We have always wanted to attend this event. Bike season is beginning all over the country, please be cautious of motorcycle’s on the road.


Posted in arizona, Arizona Bike Week, Harley Davidson 100th Anniversary Fatboy, motorcycle season | Tagged , , | 4 Comments

One More Thing To Deal With, I Really Need Some Help !

I rarely reach out to other’s when dealing with issues in my life. Many messes I have created and I always have managed to dig myself out of them. The battles I have faced in life, most of my close friends never even were aware that they existed. I would seek legal counsel or turn to my dear friend Bari for spiritual advise. The last few years I sought help from therapists and psychiatrists and began to heal emotionally. I ask for little, and am accused of giving way to much. Right now I am dealing with a battle that seems out of my control even after seeking medical attention and massive amounts of research this past week.

I have Rosacea, there is not a cure as of yet from what I have researched online. This started a few months back with just a few papules and redness on one side of my mouth. Initially my thought’s were, I was just having a reaction to something I ate. They papules spread to both sides of my mouth and the redness increased. On March 6th I went to see my primary care physician in Oregon, she took one look and said, “You have Rosacea.” Fricken wonderful ! Why couldn’t I just have a sprained hand or heck I would of been happy with pink eye, ear infection or even a broken leg to be honest vs. this crap. Why Rosacea? Don’t get me wrong, there are many other illness much worse than Rosacea, I have friends with MS, Parkinsons, Cancer, and I am battling a way worse condition outside of the Rosacea. The other I just have under control.

The Doctor prescribed me topical ointments, one is Metronidazole Gel 0.75% and the other is Hydrocortisone Butyrate 0.1%. I am using them as prescribed, and the Rosacea is spreading , getting redder and worse each day. Under my nose is completely engulfed on both sides with papules and redness. I am flipping out, I read all the triggers on the National Rosacea website. I have read chat boards, I checked out a couple blogs and every 10 minutes or so I am looking in the mirror hoping and praying by some miracle it goes away. IT’S NOT !!

One of the triggers of Rosacea is alcohol, I am not drinking, so check that one off, maybe I need to drink again to KILL it ! Another trigger is heat , well sweet mother of Jesus ! I just moved to Arizona, another is spicy foods, one of my favorites, but ok removed that one. Caffeine is another, I stopped drinking Pepsi, I am currently drinking less than 2 cups of coffee in the mornings. I plan on giving up coffee altogether this week, its going to be hard and the headaches will come, but I will quit.

Rosacea is just crap, crap, crap. All my life I have always had very nice, pretty flawless skin. I have scars everywhere on my body from attacks, but my face has always been pretty flawless, now I look like a monster and each day that passes it’s spreading more. I have read countless ideas of how to slow the spread , but I want to hear from real people that have experienced this, what worked for you? Or do you possibly know what worked for a loved one? I am not willing at this point to spend thousands of dollars for something that won’t work. I emailed my Doctor in Oregon yesterday with pictures of my face and the progression since March 6th. I asked her to prescribe an oral medication possibly. The great thing about Kaiser Insurance is they will ship out of state. I didn’t mention, I will be without that fantastic insurance at the end of this month.

Yes I drink water, I drink more water than anyone I personally know. Filtered water.. I ‘ve given up my staple foods avocado’s and tomato’s also. Please if you have any suggestions on what worked for you please share with me. I want to kick Rosacea in its ugly behind. Thank God I purchased my Gilligan hat and brought it with me to Arizona.  




My Gilligan Hat

Posted in Fighting Rosacea, Rosacea | Tagged , , | 25 Comments

The Cruel Message From A Racist

Last Sunday I was getting ready for bed after a long day of un-packing and organizing. Kira (my kitty) always gets a few treats at bedtime. I reached over to grab her treat bag on my nightstand when my cell phone buzzed with a new message.  Generally I turn my phone off at night so the new message alerts don’t wake me, I hadn’t done so yet. I grabbed my phone and saw there was a new comment on my blog. The message was from a person by the name of “Tim” , he commented on the blog post I wrote back in November 21, 2013. You can find that post under my archives for November titled “The Rape Story” , along with his full comment that I am going to approve. Continue reading

Posted in cyber bullying, Evil blog comments, Freaks come out at night, KKK, Racism, Traumatic Experiences, Violent attacks | Tagged , , , , , , | 52 Comments

Our New Home State Is Arizona

We made it !! We left Oregon early morning March 8th, arrived in Reno Nevada around dinner time the same day. We spent two wonderful nights with family in Reno relaxing and catching up. Monday morning March 10th we drove straight through to Arizona and arrived at our new home around 9:45pm.

I can not express the relief I felt crossing the Oregon border into California. The stress that felt like 50 pound weights on my shoulders, lifted and I felt relaxed and calm. Ronnie and I gave each other a high five. We had finally left the chaos behind. The pain will never leave, but hopefully in the future the positive, fun filled memories of Oregon will be remembered in our hearts and the painful memories will take a backseat. Continue reading

Posted in arizona, ditat deus, Healing and Recovery, Life's Blessings and Joys, Mental Health, new adventures | Tagged , , , , , | 17 Comments

I know It’s Hard To Believe

I originally was going to write a post about something entirely different. But this morning I thought I would share about my project today. I am finishing a Bible study on Job. Ronnie and I have not yet left to Arizona. We will be leaving on March 8th, spending a couple days in Reno Nevada and arriving in Arizona on March 10th or 11th. We originally were supposed to leave a couple weeks ago.

In the meantime, I am going to leave for a few days and spend some additional time with a woman that is very dear to me. She has been my rock for years. When I am feeling down she lifts me up. She carries me through any storm that comes my way and see’s me through it. I have wrote about her in the past, her faith in God never sways. Continue reading

Posted in becki duckworth, Child Abuse, Depression, gift of love, Give without expectations, hardened Hearts, hope, Spiritual quest | Tagged , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Once Upon A Time

One of my favorite memories living in Portland was when Ronnie , Lance and I attended one of Lance’s childhood friends wedding reception.

After the reception dinner the DJ started to play. The dance floor was empty and the new groom asked Lance to, ” Get the party started.” Lance loves to dance and the group at the wedding reception was a crowd of pretty introverted guests, including the younger crowd. Lance had a quick chat with the DJ and jumped on the dance floor. The link below is a video that I took with my cell phone. Not great video because this was 2011 and I was laughing so hard I couldn’t keep the phone still. Continue reading

Posted in childhood friends, Crazy dance moves, Once upon a time, oregon, wedding reception crazy dancing | Tagged , , , , , | 5 Comments

“Ditat Deus”

It’s been two weeks since I wrote a blog post . It’s been a week or so since I’ve even read a blog. Lately I have spent a great deal of time reflecting on my life in Oregon. Last week was spent with one of my dearest friends Bari, I have known her for the 26 years I have lived in Oregon. I joined Bari and her woman’s Bible study group on Monday, the study was on Job. We shopped, watched movies, laughed and cried. Bari has always been my rock and kept me alive when I felt it was impossible to put one foot in front of the other. Bari is the friend/mother I never had. She loves me unconditionally and I worry about her when I leave. She loved me when I was in jail. drunk, destitute, and thriving. Bari cared for me after I was stabbed, broke and homeless. Bari gave me hope, and I will miss her. Continue reading

Posted in abused by mother, arizona, ditat deus, snow event | Tagged , , , , | 11 Comments

The Pain Has Returned, In The Form Of A Migraine

Migraines really are the pits, the pain is horrible. I am currently on day two of this monster headache. Yesterday it subsided for about 5 hours late afternoon/evening. This morning it came back with a vengeance, and is packing a punch straight to the back of my neck.

I have deep compassion for others that suffer from migraines, they can be relentless. Fortunately the last couple years I have only had about a half a dozen. This one today being the worst .

Be understanding to others that suffer from these debilitating headaches….

Today is such a beautiful warm sunny day, a bit windy but clear sunny skies. Bright light increases the pain of the headache. So today I will be a vampire and retreat to a dark cool room .

Until tomorrow , be kind to others and have a beautiful day!

Posted in Headache, Migraine headaches | Tagged , , , | 30 Comments